Thursday, November 1, 2012

Hearts of an Earthworm

Got to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince
 I know I haven't written awhile yet again, lots of changes going on in my life. Again I've been struggling with inspiration, unfortunately I received inspiration in a difficult way this month. My heart has experienced some big challenges. A good friend choose to take her own life. That alone was a lot, especially because she was very close with of one of my best friends, and watching her struggle with continuing on with her own life without our friend just plain hurts. I have had my own experience with death, and it doesn't bother me as much as others.  I've seen the other side and I know my friend is completely at peace learning lessons on the other side and sharing her experiences from her time on earth. That said, it doesn't take away the pain and hurt from the people she left on earth.

I've also been struggling with finding a relationship that was a good fit for myself and in the process got my heart ssquished yet again. Finding dates has never been the issue. I'm outgoing I like to chat with all sorts of people, I like to think I'm cute, I have curves that are kicking like J-Lo and Beyonce. My problem is that transition from friendship and casual dating to monogamous relationship. Recently I've spent two months with a guy and so many things clicked. The main issue was general consideration, as in not flaking on me or just realizing hey maybe Cass would like to join my friends and I out. I talked it out with him and he told me something was missing, I was smart, funny, beautiful, but something he couldn't explain wasn't there. In that sentence my little heart broke. I said I respected that and you don't want to force things, I wished him well, I did the adult thing.

what my inner Earthworm looks like
 I've had my heart broken before. I can only say I've ever followed my heart 100% once. I was 22 and in the midst of my first love, God I thought he was amazing and just so in shock he loved me back as much as I loved him. We took trips together, rode our horses, loved each others friends, it seemed so fairytale. We moved in after a few months, but I realized that in my head over heels love phase I ignored some giant red flags. It became a daily struggle, my heart and my brain battling on what to do... Eventually my brain won out, I moved out and experienced my first giant heartbreak. So here I find myself with a much smaller heartbreak, it didn't shatter my heart like my first love, but it definitely feels as though someone kicked me in the chest (and you all know I know what a swift kick feels like). So I ask myself what do I do? Keep on trying and look for love again, even better I'm going to channel my inner earthworm.

You knew eventually I would get around to the animal facts. But I'm sure you're asking, what in the world do Earthworms have to do with heartache? Well Earthworms happen to have five hearts, and what better time than a break-up to swap out that broken heart for a brand new one! Earthworms have five pairs of simple hearts that pump blood throughout the body. They have no lungs. That feeling you get post break-up where you cant breath? No problem! Instead the blood flowing close to the worm's surface absorbs oxygen and releases carbon dioxide directly through the moist skin (called the cuticle). The uncontrollable crying you do, again no problem! Instead of a nose, ears, and eyes, Earthworms have a nervous system throughout their bodies that controls actions in response to environmental stimuli, such as vibrations, heat, cold, moisture, light, and the presence of other worms. When you can't get your brain to shut off and stop thinking about your ex? Earthworms have no brain!

In my eyes, kinda what this blog is about, the Earthworm is the perfect break-up animal to channel. Once your broken heart has recovered allow it to join up with your others and you can let your inner Earthworm lie dormant for awhile. It does get better everyone, and life does go on. I like to remind myself that there are lessons learned from every event in life, the heartbreaks really do just plain suck. Without the rain we would never truly appreciate the sun... Now onto my next goal find a guy I like half as much as my horse! Side note if you are available gentlemen who reads this blog and have several qualities as my adorable horse, hit me up!