Thursday, August 9, 2012

If I Were an Alligator

Today's post is going to edge along the humorous side more than informational . . . As little kids, we're often asked "If you were an animal, what kind of animal would you what to be?  For years I thought of myself as all these exotic animals like tiger or okapi, but the truth is I'm a total alligator.

Lets start with the physical similarities:

The American Alligator has a thick body and a broad, powerful tail.  Their tail is used to propel them quickly through the water, and also as a defensive weapon. I happen to be gifted with a larger, um . . . Well, I have a big butt. This gives me a great center of gravity, and if a person happens to disturb me I have a broad, powerful booty bump that has been known to send people flying. Alligators also have extremely strong jaws which works like a vice. The biting force of the alligator is enormous, packing enough power to smash a turtle's shell or through bone ; it's designed to grip rather than chew, and thanks to an accident in 2010 I happen to have titanium jaws. Similarly I have a much easier time biting into food than chewing it. 

Onto the Aligators behaviors! Alligator's are one of the few reptiles who are maternal and watch after their young. They guard their nests and will carry the baby alligators around in their mouth. While I do not have any human young, I am the proud parent of many furry babies. Everyone knows I love my horses, cat, lizard, toad, bunny, etc., more than anything. I have a protective nature in general towards my friends in family.

Alligators live in swampy marshes and prey on a variety of aquatic foods. Younger Alligators eat mostly fish, while mature alligators will occasionally go onto land for food, but still maintain a mainly aquatic diet. The nutria (a large aquatic rodent) is an invasive species which has become a new prey source for large alligators.  My favorite food is sushi and sashimi, I love the taste of raw fish.  I also live in San Diego and love the water. Alligators will often bask in the sun to regulate their body temperature. I have also been caught sun bathing on more than one occasion.

About to prey on some lobster...
Once an Alligator has captured prey, if not already in the water they will drag it in, then proceed to "death roll." They spin at high speeds under water while holding onto the prey, effectively breaking it's neck or drowning it. I have my own version of the death roll. As I have been told by numerous ex-boyfriends, while sleeping I will grab the sheet or blanket then proceed to roll, wrapping it around myself and stealing it from my unsuspecting victim. If one tries to steal my blanket back I become highly aggressive, refuse to relinquish my prize. And I wonder why I'm single . . .

The similarities between alligators and myself can go on and on. We all have the animals we would like to be, but at the end of the day, I'm just an alligator. That's it for now,


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